I open up more to find that you closed the door
Brick walled with mortar, steel casing, barbed wired fencing and hovering Stealth Bombers at the ready
For my heart throbs in a state of shock at attempts never recognized
The past represent spies
Deceit, ME hating vulnerability, the cover up. . .lies
Change is just ignored
Sometimes. . .feels like most of the time
It is like closing your eyes and trying to drive. . .love
Yes, blind, crippled and crazy
Like returning home from war to be a part of another
I awake to nightmares of climbing the mountain of forgiveness with you
All because I am faced with the avalanche of trust-building produced by our screams
Fold me but let me guide myself because you are afraid
Retract and feelings go into hibernation
Obliterated emotions
Catatonic as to what to do or say I am the one left to
Open another door without a key to home
Therefore I drive
In front of me is the car that might be saving me
because sometimes. . .feels like most of the time
100 MPH is not fast enough
50 in a 35 is the speed of light in my life
Open is the engine and exhaust
Fatigue brings awareness and warning signs of slowing down
It is ignored because my attempt is to wear a crown for you
Be a king for you but, “heavy is the head that. . . .”
Blares the music
808’s and Heartbreak
Callouses are the signs of hard work in this thing
My mind speaks to me in ways that is cell splitting
As I focus on every turn in the road
The forks and pray that I choose the right way which is not hard at all
However my opening up is causing all of this to crumble and fall
Apart like individual pieces to the puzzle
Why can’t WE put this back together
Currently it is Me who holds the jigsaw when the table only had three legs to begin with
I wrack my brain for the missing piece which is you
Concealing it behind the door
Holding it in for you are afraid
I will stick my foot jammed in, reaching my hand in
Praying that you don’t slam it in. . .the door
Our sobs are heard, tears enough to swim in
For this is a beginning and I hope not an end
But when you express your distress it sounds like disinterest
Anymore
The door just slams shut and echoes in my mind like a yodel
I don’t want to get used to this although it becomes melodic because you are still there
With your hand on the knob I call to my higher power that you just one time. . .open the door
For my heart beats aloud tune for you that can be seen through my chest
Brick walled with trust, encased with hope, white picked fenced with hovering helium filled balloons with Sharpie written poems at the ready.
NaPoWriMo14 Poem 7
KonciouSLea Written and never giving up on patience
KonciouSLea Written 